Review of An Elegant Puzzle: Systems of Engineering Management
Book Link: https://smile.amazon.com/We-Need-Hang-Out-Friends/dp/1982111089
I feel like I'm terrible at keeping friends and relationships going so I picked this book to empathize with another person that feels the same way and hopefully have one or two takeaways I can apply to my own life. There were a lot of tactical takeaway items like the "Wednesday Nights" concept, 40-45 being the "honest years", and Dunbar's Number - the maximum number of people someone can maintain a social relationship with - but I was a little disappointed in it overall. I listened to this as an audiobook and the author was also the narrator but he spoke in a way that it sounded like he hated or was dismissive of the subject matter he was speaking about. I also never want to hear the phrase "ball busting", there was enough for a couple lifetimes in this book. It was nice to relate the narrative so well and it was interesting hearing some of the science and psychology injected into like Hygge, needing 200 hours to move from good to great friends, and that men tend to prefer activites where they are shoulder to shoulder with other men (bars, sports games, driving, etc) and women tend to prefer activities with other women where they face each other but the "dude bro" perspective made it hard to resonate with some of the specific anecdotes.
Some highlights from my reading: 1. Wednesday Nights - required time every week to hang out with friends. Guys typically need an event of some sort (game, dinner, activity) to make it compelling enough 2. years 40-45 are the "honest years" where you are not middle aged yet but not young anymore. You need to be honest with yourself about what you need, what you enjoy, and what you can't do any longer. 3. Study by psychologists that took photos of unaware people in interactions and showed that women typically face each other while men typically position themselves next to each other. Bars, sporting events are good examples 4. Dunbar's Number - 150 is the maximum size of a social group with each group being 3 times the size as the one preceeding it. You have 1.5 intimate relationships, 5 close relationships, then 15 best friends, 50 good friends, and 150 friends. Everyone beyond that is considered an acquantance at best. 5. It takes ~200 hours to move from a good friend to a best/great friend 6. Ideal group size for a conversation is 4 people. 7. Meik Wiking (a "happiness expert") uses the concept of "Hygge" which roughly translate from Noreweigan to "comfortable, cozy, contented". It is meant to achieve a healthy balance similar to zen and Buddhism.