Review of Do Hard Things

Book Link: https://smile.amazon.com/Hard-Things-Resilience-Surprising-Toughness/dp/006309861X/

I've long held the belief that everyone has their own shit that they go through and often they are constantly going through it. This book takes that mindset and puts a proactive spin on it to allow people to best navigate obstacles they come against. To be clear, I don't think this book does a great job of actually TEACHING you to do that (there are others out there that can), but does lay out some good anecdotal and scientific reasons as to why that is the correct approach for you in the long run. I really liked how this was anchored in running and fitness but provided lots of examples outside that area with Navy SEALS, corporate and business, stock trading, behavior science, and just little actions and thoughts you can use throughout your day.

My takeaway here is a new definiton of toughness which is:

Toughness is being mindful with knowning and attempting different approches to best navigate discomfort and repeatedly make the best decision you can. Bulldozing or "powering" through may work in short bursts but will not sustain and often is harmful in the long run.

While reading, I noticed a few behaviors I have that already aligned to this approach. For example, when gambling at craps tables I focus on my gut feelings and intuition (and a little math). It doesn’t always work out but seems to follow the Pareto distribution pretty closely. Interestingly, if I start drinking the free booze they keep pushing on you, I have consistently performed worse in my judgement so I stay away from it entirely. I took a lot away from this book, even if it was mostly reinforcing my existing beliefs and patterns. I think this is a good read to help put some structure and science behind a mindful approach to everything in your life.

Some highlights from my reading: 1. Rhabdomyolysis (or rhabdo for short) is a once-rare condition where damaged muscle products leak into the bloodstream, putting an unusual demand on the kidneys to process it all. In extreme cases, death can occur. A disease once primarily caused by infections or drug use has transformed into a somewhat common occurrence, thanks to a bevy of cases caused by extreme workouts. Endless push-ups, squats, burpees, and other exercises designed not to improve fitness, but to “test” their athletes. 2. The authoritarian style creates the appearance of discipline without actually fostering it. 3. Instead, real toughness is experiencing discomfort or distress, leaning in, paying attention, and creating space to take thoughtful action. It’s maintaining a clear head to be able to make the appropriate decision. Toughness is navigating discomfort to make the best decision you can. And research shows that this model of toughness is more effective at getting results than the old one. 4. Whether discomfort comes in the form of anxiety, fear, pain, uncertainty, or fatigue, navigating through it is what toughness is all about. Not bulldozing or pushing through, but navigating. Sometimes that means going through, around, under, or waiting until it passes. When we frame toughness as a decision to act under discomfort, it allows us to see that toughness is far more than merely having grit or grinding through. 5. Real toughness is experiencing discomfort or distress, leaning in, paying attention, and creating space to take thoughtful action. It’s navigating discomfort to make the best decision you can. 6. As podcaster Rich Roll told me in summarizing the hundreds of interviews he’s conducted, “Everybody goes through shit in their life. Nobody escapes obstacles.” If we’re going to face obstacles, we might as well figure out the best way to navigate them. 7. As of 2018, the US Army is the largest employer of sports psychologists in the country. 8. In other words, you need to teach the skill first. Even the vaunted Navy SEALs recognized this distinction when in the early 2000s, they implemented a classroom phase designed to train candidates how “to monitor their psychological performance and learn to maximize mental toughness skills.” 9. Does our appraisal of our skills match our appraisal of the demands of the situation? This mismatch between situational demands and our capacity to cope doesn’t just determine running performance; it determines what kind of response to stress we’ll have. 10. Our appraisal of a situation as a threat or as a challenge depends on the perceived demands of that stressor versus our perceived abilities to handle them. Do we have the resources to handle the demands? 11. The ones who said, ‘Here’s what I’m capable of. Here’s what the race demands. I’m going to execute based on those two things.’ Those are the ones who consistently perform.” 12. Embrace reality. Accurate appraisal of demands + accurate appraisal of our abilities. 13. In the workplace, research shows false confidence can fool those who are uninformed on a subject, but those with even a moderate understanding of the topic will sniff out your lack of acumen. In situations that demand toughness, false confidence largely fails. 14. To develop true, inner confidence, there are four steps: Lower the bar. Raise the floor. Shed perfection. Embrace who you are. Trust your training. Trust yourself. Develop a quiet ego. 15. Take away control, and animals resign themselves to their fate. They give up. Even if the path to avoiding despair is right in front of them. 16. sufferers of give-up-itis progress through a series of five stages. It starts with a general withdrawal before turning into apathy, loss of emotional response, and a lack of response to any external stimulus. Along the way, motivation to do menial tasks erodes until the simplest of tasks can no longer be completed. Listlessness takes over. The last stage is psychogenic death. 17. Our level of control changes how we respond to stress. When we have a sense of control, our alarm is quieter and easier to shut off. 18. Too often, we get stuck in the rut of apathy, because we haven’t flexed our hopeful muscle. Small actions that remind you that you have a choice go a long way to training the ability to put your brain back online. 19. “What concerns us, therefore, is how effective a training plan can ever be if the body in the stands—the coach—not the body on the track—the athlete—is in total control of the training process?” 20. When we don’t have control, we lose the capacity to cope. It’s when we have a choice that toughness is trained. 21. In two studies out of Europe, a group of psychologists found that individuals who were clear about their feelings, understanding where they came from and what they meant, were more likely to thrive under stress, anxiety, and pressure. They turned anxiety into excitement and pressure into information and motivation. All thanks to clarity on the message their body was sending. 22. It wasn’t the traders with the better credentials who excelled at making risky decisions; it was the ones who could read their body. 23. It’s not whether our inner voice is an optimist or a pessimist. It’s whether it’s fair. If we find our internal negativity holding us back, or our eternally optimistic “You can do it!” voice getting in the way of our seeing reality, we need to broaden our experience. 24. Respond to reality. For most of us, we are not only responding to the actual stress but the reverberations of it. Tough individuals learn to match perception with reality so that they marshal the appropriate response instead of an exaggerated one. 25. lessons from the extremes help illustrate the adage: the dose makes the poison. 26. “A spiritual virtue, upekkha means equanimity in the face of the fluctuations of worldly fortune. It is evenness of mind, unshakeable freedom of mind, a state of inner equipoise that cannot be upset by gain and loss, honor and dishonor, praise and blame, pleasure and pain.” 27. In his book Transcend, Scott Barry Kaufman, defined equanimity as “a cultivation of mindfulness and observation, of not pursuing one’s purpose with blinders on but constantly being open to new information, constantly seeking wisdom and honest awareness of reality, and constantly monitoring your progress and impact on your own personal growth as well as the impact on others. . . . Radiating warmth and openness as you encounter the inevitable stressors of life.” 28. “Mood follows action.” When we’re feeling sad and down, trying to alter our mood seldom works. But if instead of trying to force your mood to change you change your behavior—getting out of bed and going for a walk—you often find yourself in a much better, happier place. 29. I tried lots of different healing and therapies, some worked a little, others did not, but really what worked for me was running. Moving on my own two feet through the wilderness,” she relayed. Being alone in her head “was the only time I could move beyond my fear thoughts. At the start of every run, my anxiety was super heightened, but as I ran, that rhythmic repetition lulled me into a moving meditation where the thoughts dropped away. And a realization that the body was strong. The body holds the wisdom, it was sending a message, ‘Actually, you’re healthy, Katie.’” 30. The best performers tend to have a flexible and adaptive coping ability. They can bounce between different strategies, depending on the demands of the situation. 31. Cultivating an environment that allows for progress and competence has the following characteristics: A challenging but supportive environment The ability to take risks and voice your opinion without fear being the dominant motivator A path that shows the way for growth and improvement in your job or field 32. The basic building blocks of being a healthy, functioning human are the same ones that enable us to handle tough situations. 33. When we explore instead of avoid, we are able to integrate the experience into our story. We’re able to make meaning out of struggle, out of suffering. Meaning is the glue that holds our mind together, allowing us to both respond and recover. 34. Real toughness is living in the nuance and complexity of the environment, bodies, and minds we inhabit.